From Zombie to Zzz’s
Sleep.
Quite possibly the most important part of our every day, yet it’s the one thing we give up the most when a baby joins the family. You are sleep deprived from the moment that nugget enters the world and if you’re anything like me, you figure that’s just what life is going to look like for the rest of forever. Welp, I’m here to tell you, as a former walking zombie, it doesn’t have to be that way. Let me explain…
My first son never slept. He refused to nurse. He always woke up crying. He had to be rocked to sleep. He wanted to sleep on my chest. Basically, I was his sleep prop. Since it was my first go-round with this mom stuff, I thought that’s just how it was suppose to be. Plus, everyone told me to soak up the snuggles because one day he’s not going to want to be anywhere near me. (Insert internal sobbing).
So when my second son was born, I assumed the position and prepared for the same.
However, this guy was different. He decided he was a boob man and took to nursing right away – yay! No cleaning bottles and sterilizing nipples? Hallelujah! Having a food source on tap sounded like a win, but I wasn’t expecting how that translated into sleeping patterns. Now, don’t twist this into thinking I’m bashing breastfeeding, because I’m certainly not. I was over-the-moon that he latched and still love the bonding that it provides, but I never considered that sleep would be even MORE difficult this time around.
Maybe it was my fault. Hell, who am I kidding; it was my fault. I nursed and rocked him to sleep every. single. time. We even bought the most incredible rocker/recliner from Pottery Barn Kids because I assumed I’d be living in his room at night and figured it would be nice to lie back and put my feet up at 2am. But that’s not how it went.
At the four-month mark, he was still waking up every 1-2 hours and I was beyond exhausted. The life had literally been sucked out of me. Plus, walking across the house to pick him up, nurse, rock and ever-so-gently place his milk-drunk butt back in his crib was killing me. The kicker…he hated when I reclined the rocker (go figure). So there I sat, baby across my lap, with my arm asleep and my joints screaming at me to lie down. (Pssst…I’m 39 now. Your body hurts in the middle of the night when you’re 39).
So I did the one thing I said I’d NEVER do: I brought him in our bed to sleep. Yep. Against everything “they” preach all over the internet, mom groups and parent magazines. But I needed to be horizontal and actually SLEEP. My sanity was at stake. Also, my kindergartener’s room was steps away and I didn’t want him to lose out on sleep from all the crying across the hall. And for awhile, it worked for us. I could roll over to give him the boob when he was hungry and he was comfortable snuggling against my body. Now don’t get all up on my ass about the dangers of co-sleeping, Karen; I’m aware. But I also know that I was dangerously tired and my mental and physical state was not in a good place, so I did what I felt I had to do in our particular situation. Moving on.
Even though I was finally able to lie down in a bed, this baby was still waking up crying all. the. time. Every hour. Maybe even 30 or 45 minutes. How could he be that hungry? He was eating solids, nursing on demand, growing like a weed. We tried gas drops. Maybe it was the beans in the burrito bowl I ate? We tried Tylenol and Camilia. Maybe he had a tooth coming in? We tried everything and then my milk supply wasn’t keeping up at night.
Here we were again – not sleeping. Not to mention, naps were a shit show too. One nap, maybe two, for max 40 minutes. Just enough time to take a shower and make my bed. FML.
As I was entering another stage of desperation for sleep, I stumbled across a post on Instagram from a friend of mine with a newborn baby girl. She was graciously thanking some sleep guru for giving her the tools to help her little one catch some Z’s. I needed to know who this person was and what kind of magical spell book she had because I was NINE MONTHS in and would do just about anything to get our household sleeping again.
Enter a sleep coach. Yeah, sleep coaching is a thing and it WORKS. I’m the first to admit that I was very skeptical of this whole process and had some concerns. I first did all the research on sleep coaching and spoke to more than one gal because I wanted to be sure I really clicked with whomever we’d be working with. I didn’t want my baby to “cry it out” and feel like I abandoned him. I didn’t want our bond to be in jeopardy. I needed someone to support us along the way. When I spoke with Jade from Kelly Murray Sleep, I instantly felt a sense of trust and comfort when she explained that she had been in my shoes not too long ago. After our initial consultation, I knew our lives were about to change for the better.
There was a laundry list of things I didn’t know about when it came to baby sleep (shocker). First of all, a baby’s sleep cycle changes to the same as an adult’s when they turn four months old. Initially, babies have two parts to their sleep cycle: deep and light sleep. At about four months, they add in those brief wake-ups. You know, like when you adjust yourself on your pillow, check the clock or change positions? Same deal. Except, they don’t know how to go back to sleep like we do. Connecting these sleep cycles is where we needed help. My son was accustomed to falling asleep (or back to sleep) while nursing.. So when he got to that brief wake-up, he wanted to re-create the same environment to fall asleep: enter my boob on the rocking chair or in my bed. I knew he wasn’t going to be happy about changing it up, but I also knew it would be a brief adjustment for both of us.
Our goals were to teach him to fall asleep independently and peacefully without being nursed or rocked to sleep, and sculpt healthy sleep habits that will last into the future. Jade mapped out everything with a comprehensive 12-page plan and I was able to choose how we wanted to begin. Crying was not something I enjoyed to hear from either of my babies, so I wanted to do this as gently as possible. I opted to stay in the room to be able to physically and verbally soothe him so he would feel comforted and safe, but I knew he would be pissed. I mean, I was changing his routine, of course he was going to protest.
Here’s what it looked like:
We had a 30- to 45-minute bedtime routine that consisted of nursing, bath, jammies, brother play time, books and bed. When I say “bed”, I’m saying I put this kid in his crib awake. AWAKE. Although it was difficult to get the timing right every day, I’d say we were pretty consistent with everything. Except for the one night Jason was late coming home and I forgot to nurse the baby at the beginning of our routine (oops!). Don’t worry, he didn’t starve to death.
Now this was where the magic happened after we finished our bedtime routine. For three nights, I sat in a chair next to his crib, soothing him in intervals until he fell asleep. (By soothing, I mean quietly sush-ing him, rubbing his back, etc.) The next three nights, I moved my chair closer to the door and did the same with longer intervals in between. Finally, after a week, I left his room after putting him down and would go back in to soothe him if necessary.
I thought I’d be crying alongside him, but my mindset kept me calm. I knew that his cries were only because he was protesting this new way to go to sleep. He wasn’t mad at me. He wasn’t in distress. He just wanted what he was used to. However, I knew teaching him to sleep independently would benefit him in the long run.
I logged everything. The time I started our bedtime routine, when I put him down, when he fell asleep, when he woke up, when I took him out of his crib, naps…you name it. All of this data was shared with our sleep coach so she could tailor how to approach each time he slept. It helped me to see how long his wake times were and when he would get over-tired. She was available to me via text or email so I could get her professional advice whenever I was unsure of what to do. Way better than some “Get Your Kid to Sleep in 24 Hours” book, right?
Baby sleep isn’t perfect, even with a sleep coach. I mean, come on…they are little people in a big world with all kinds of new stuff happening to them. Learning to crawl or walk, teething or being sick are just a few things that could throw a wrench in a baby’s sleep patterns. So I’ve learned to adapt each day when it comes to napping and bedtime, but typically we are on a pretty good schedule. The best part? After working with our sleep coach, our little guy is finally sleeping in 10- to 12-hour stretches at night in his own bed! Woot!
So if you’re at the end of your rope and exhausted from being up all night with your sweet babe and don’t know how to get out of the pattern you’re in, I encourage you to contact a sleep coach. If you’re not sure where to start, check out Kelly Murray Sleep Consultingor even go on your social media accounts and ask the internet. I promise, you’re not the first one to need help and you won’t be the last. Check out my sweet boy below. That’s the smile of one well-rested baby.
Sweet dreams, mama.
Before: Always slept on or with me after nursing After: The paci says it all: “I love Zzz’s”.
