Number 2

You know that commercial with the mom getting ready to leave the house with her first kid: packing all the things and stressed out to the max. Then it flashes forward to her leaving with two kids as she picks up Cheerios from the counter without sanitizing her hands first? Gasp! I laugh every time because, now, as a mother of two, I totally get it.

Now don’t lie, you know you were that crazy over-compensating mama when your first baby came along. You had no idea what you were doing and even after reading all the books, magazines and the rabbit hole that is the internet, it still seemed completely overwhelming. I mean honestly, if you’ve never had a baby, it’s like a Choose Your Own Adventure book. Except, there’s no choosing. Strictly adventure. Anything and everything can happen and you’ve never experienced any of it before now. So you prepare for the worst, smile at the best, get frustrated when things don’t go as planned and have this crazy idea that you are still actually in control of your life. Pfffft.

That was 100% me when O was born, but this time around, things feel much differently. Your whole world revolves around your first baby because everything they do is new and exciting, but when the second one arrives your perspective shifts a bit. Now you have two little humans to keep alive every day and it’s a balancing act. I try my damndest to keep up with my oldest while still tending to the needs of the baby, and sometimes that means putting together Minecraft Legos in our pajamas, while I’m nursing on the floor of the family room that looks like it was burglarized. It’s fine. My type-A, OCD personality took a back seat a loooong time ago.

Now, can we talk about how I have over 30,000 pictures on my phone? It’s kind of insane, right? Can you imagine if I brought a flash drive to Walgreens and asked for all of them to be printed? The poor kid working the photo desk that day would be cursing me the rest of his shift. Anyway, I digress. The gross majority of those pictures are of O because I took bursts of pictures before it was even a feature on an iPhone. Every smile, wink, tummy time session, you name it. Don’t get me wrong, I take plenty of pictures and videos of L, but do I go days without snapping a moment? Yup. For no reason other than I don’t have as much time on my hands to sit and stare at this beautiful, chubby boy as I did with my first baby. Keeping a five-year-old and a baby both entertained and happy at the same time takes some getting used to. It also means my camera isn’t always at arm’s reach to capture every moment. Honestly though, sometimes it’s nice to just be present and enjoy our time together with out worrying about getting the perfect shot.

Since I can now call myself an experienced mom (albeit just five years), I’ve also learned to let go of expectations when it comes to parenting. When my first son was born I had a vision of what life would look like as a mama: I’d be strutting around to play dates perfectly accessorized with my fancy stroller and wonderfully behaved child who never made a mess of his adorable outfit. My family and my husband’s family would cheerfully come to our house together to celebrate birthdays and holidays. My house would be clean and organized. Spoiler alert: NOPE.

Here’s the truth: I was taken aback when everything didn’t turn out the way I envisioned after having my first son, but when number two came around, I learned that shit happens (literally…in the carseat or in the Ergo carrier), and you just have to roll with it. Having kids changes everything and as soon as you surrender to it, things will feel so much easier. At least that’s my experience. Your idea of what motherhood should look like isn’t realistic (thanks Instagram), but what it does look like is messy, terrifying and amazing all at the same time.

Then just when you start to question if you’re getting it right, suddenly there’s this beautiful connection happening right before your eyes as you watch your older child love on your baby. Add said baby smiling longingly at his older brother while he sings the Smurfs theme song, and your heart just might explode. I can’t quite explain what it feels like to see the love between your children, but it’s magical.

Having a second baby is kind of like riding a bike after taking a long hiatus. You remember how to do it, it’s still lots of fun, but you aren’t armed with a helmet, knee and elbow pads just to go down the driveway. This baby will get just as much love from me as my first, but I’m not wound so tightly this time. I’ve seen enough scraped knees, allergic reactions, fevers and even surgeries, that I have a pretty good idea of how to handle whatever comes my way as a mama. I’m confident in my decisions, confident in my intuition and confident in the way I’m raising my boys to be kind, intelligent humans who will undoubtedly be best friends for life.